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Please
read this
before
coming to
the
seminar!
Many
of us have been to meetings where distracting
children keep those present from fully being able to enjoy and get
the most out of the meeting. I have NO desire to be offensive or hurtful to anyone,
but in order to
provide a seminar that is refreshing to the group as a whole, and
one that makes teaching the seminar as easy as possible for
me as the speaker, we need to let our attendees know that, except
for nursing babies ~ six months and under ~ that are still young enough to be
quiet and not distracting, you
will need to work out other arrangements for
your children while you attend this seminar.
And
if, at any point, a baby is being at all distracting to others (even if they are
smiling), we expect the parent to be considerate of all ~ speaker
and attendees ~ and promptly remove the child from the room.
I am not alone in my perspective on this; many other moms have shared the same sentiments with me. In fact, here is what one mom shared with me:
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"I
love my children dearly, but know that there are times and
places for them to be and not to be. It is very upsetting to
me when I've given up a day with my children to be
ministered to myself and have the distraction of other
people's children. It was especially hard when my kids were
younger. I even feel this way when my husband and I go out
to dinner alone. When I need a meal without the distractions
of my own children, I get kind of cranky being distracted by
other people's children. I even proposed to a friend
of mine with a restaurant that there be an adult-only
section." |
By "distracting" ~ for the purpose of my seminars ~ I mean "able to be heard or seen" which would include not only crying, but also fussing, whispering, playing, walking or crawling around, etc. If
it becomes obvious that you and I have different views of what exactly is
"distracting," one of the hostesses of the event (at my
request) will ~
as kindly, and as discreetly as possible ~ ask you to remove your
child from the room… NOT because we don't love you
or your little one, NOT because we enjoy embarrassing people,
NOT because we want you to miss out on the
seminar,
but only because we have a responsibility to those who have given up an
evening and/or a day of their lives to join us to make the
environment as conducive to them getting as much out of the day as
possible.
And this responsibility extends to me as the speaker as
well.
If you have never taught a seminar, you
can't imagine how much concentration goes into keeping one's
thoughts in order. And distracting children greatly
affect one's concentration. Please do not choose to see the
word "distracting" as something negative or unloving. That
is NOT my heart at all!!!!!!! I simply believe there are
appropriate times and places for children to be present, and
seminars are not one of them ~ in my humble opinion.
I don't know of anyone who would relish the job of having to
someone to remove their child from the room, so we hope that all will be sensitive to this and act
accordingly so that all may get the most out of this intense day,
and none of those hosting the event will have to get a migraine
headache worrying about the possibility of offending a precious
sister in the Lord. 
And now I would like
to continue with further explanation of all this
for anyone who is
upset with what I have said here. 
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From
Barb: Here is a letter I received from a homeschooling
mom who was not happy with my above stated policy...
(I have omitted details so as to protect her privacy.)
I read your policy on children attending carefully, and appreciate your position, but just wanted to put my two cents in on another point of view. As a mother of two young nursing children, I have been continually frustrated by such policies. I plan on having a large family, and I don't see a time in the next twelve years when I will not have a nursing child. My partial solution has been to plan and host many enriching events myself, and since I plan it, I make sure it is kid-friendly. I have planned and or attended with kids a three-day
[such-and-such] training conference, an eight-hour [xxxxx] training course, and several three-hour
[xxxxx] workshops. In addition I know that the [xxxxx] Homeschool Conference in
[XX], and the [xxxxx] conferences are kid-friendly. It is possible you think it's important to include moms, who for whatever reason, cannot or will not attend without their small children. It all depends on your priorities. Judging from the way you've outlined your priorities, it is probably just as well that I can't attend this conference, because Ms. Shelton obviously is coming from another place than I am when it comes to children. |
I'm actually very aware of
this viewpoint because it was actually precisely with moms who feel as this mom does
in mind that I came up with my policy.
I have been aware of this as
a major ongoing issue in the homeschooling realm ever since the first homeschool convention I attended back in 1985.
I have been speaking for 20 years (as of 2003) and have good reason, backed by much experience as a speaker, for finally coming to the place I have about children at meetings.
Each one is, of course, welcome to hold to their own viewpoint, and
one may disagree that my reasons are good. Others are welcome, too, to operate
their own events in whatever manner seems best to them. I'm not suggesting that you adopt my policy. This is simply the way I have chosen to conduct
my own seminars.
If you will re-read what I wrote with a heart to understand *my* heart,
(above), you will realize what is behind it. For one thing, I am not
even one bit "anti-children." I simply feel that an adult-oriented meeting is not the place for children. I believe this is true whether I'm teaching it or not, but will, of course, insist on it being the way things are handled only if it's my own event.
Am I saying that children are distractions in and of themselves? I believe this is where
this gal's understanding of my view veers away from the truth. The
truth is that just because a speaker (or attendee) does not want
children being distracting at a meeting, that does not mean they
are "anti-children" or that children are not their priority.
If you did not want to have a sick child (unnecessarily) come to
your home, would you be "anti-children"? No! You'd
just prefer to not have illness enter your home ~ and your
family. Likewise I want a peaceful environment to stay
that way at my seminars.
And please note, I did not say that
there cannot be ANY children at my seminars; only distracting
ones. Young nursing infants are not usually distracting
for the most part, and if they are, it is only basic
consideration for others that they be removed from the room.
Because the attendees are "anti-children"? No, because the
attendees are there to hear a speaker; not a distracting child.
As a homeschooling mom for
20 years now, I have laid down my life for my children, and we have wonderful, very close and very healthy relationships. They did not
read my occasional leaving them in the care of grandparents or trusted friends as rejection of them or as devaluing them. I simply went to fewer meetings because of this because I didn't want to leave them any more often than necessary. It was harder back then because so few books
on homeschooling were written, and since the internet was non-existent,
so were the millions of homeschool websites we now have
available to us at the mere click of a mouse! Most homeschool information for the first several years of the movement was
to be gotten only at seminars. But
there is much more available now and folks can get the latest
information in other ways besides conferences. So I am not leaving
anyone high 'n' dry by not allowing them to bring children who are older than
six months.
This mom's final statement is what concerns and grieves me most:
"Judging from the way you've outlined your priorities, it is probably just as well that I can't attend this conference, because Ms. Shelton obviously is coming from another place than I am when it comes to children."
These words are a clear indication that she has totally misread my heart
and imposed her own misperceptions upon me. Just because a speaker does not want to have children present at a meeting does not in any way even
hint that their heart is against children! In
fact, I personally believe that subjecting children to all-day,
let alone three-day seminars is much less "child-friendly"
than placing them in the care of someone who can provide a much
more enjoyable atmosphere for them than merely sitting in on
something that is geared for mom, not for them, and having to be quiet
all that time. (And if Mom is *not* insisting they be
quiet, then I feel sorry for the speaker and the attendees! ~
which I have been BOTH)
Presuming that I am somehow "not child friendly" is not only
inaccurate, it is actually an insult to me personally. Since *I*
know my heart, and I know the platform she's coming from, I have
chosen to not be offended. But
people of this mindset need to be aware that statements of this
nature are easy to be taken offensively. Perhaps that
isn't a concern, but if it is, then be aware that it's a high
likelihood.
The heart and soul of my message is as "child friendly" as a message can be. In fact, I personally believe that the enemy of our soul has succeeded in twisting my intent to convince
this mom of a lie ~ the believing of which, if she does not recognize it, is going to cut
her off from grasping the very message that would bring her the most joy and freedom in
her homeschooling experiences.
I am not being "non-child-friendly"; I'm simply being "mom friendly"
and "child non-inclusive" with my only purpose being to provide a peaceful environment in which ALL are free to focus throughout what is already an intense day. By "ALL" I mean the attendees ~ who are living a lifestyle of giving their whole lives to the care and nurturing and training of their children, and *myself* as a speaker who is going to be speaking and concentrating for
a long length of time. Perhaps
others are more experienced, or less-distractable speakers than I am, or are just used to speaking amid distractions of children. I have tried it many times over many years (not on purpose; it's just what has happened on a regular basis when such guidelines have not been stated or enforced), and
it simply does not work for me. I
have to keep my focus, and part of that is everyone in the room staying focused as well. Even if
I were able to stay focused, it's very distracting to me to have the focus of those listening drift
or be diverted to nearby children. As darling and precious as they are, this is
simply not the place for them. My priority for the meetings I conduct is to provide an environment in which the moms attending can get the most out of our brief time together. This time is only going to make them a better "mommy," and thus better able to serve the needs of their families.
They will come out of our time together more equipped to make truly "educating" their children a priority for the other 364 days of the year, rather than merely "schooling" them...
which, to me, at least, is much more
"child-friendly" than subjecting them to a day that was not
designed for them, but rather to give them a more focused,
edified, refreshed mommy.
Even if you do not agree that a seminar is not the place for children, it is vital that you open your mind and heart enough to recognize that
those who *do* see it as I do are really just as "child friendly" as you are. In fact, I personally believe that a mom will get much more out of the day ~ which will ultimately be a blessing to her children ~ when she is free to focus on the message at hand. (If
you still do not agree with me on this, that's fine, but to be really
honest, this is where the discussion needs to end as I am not
interested in
arguing about it. This is just where
I'm at with it. Period. At this point we need to simply
respect each other's views and let the matter rest.
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